Goals, penalties, red cards, goals, goal-line technology, headbutts, goals, shocks, demolitions, goals, stars, disappointments, injured physios, goals - and this is only the first round of the group stages!
.jpg) |
| Moemish of the week |
December 6th. On the sandy, golden beaches of Costa do Sauipe before the world cup draw. Under some palm trees, having sipped one-too-many caipirinhas, the 32 coaches of the competing countries in the Budweiser McDonalds Hyundai 2014 FIFA World Cup/Sepp Blatter Appreciation Month/Extort as Much as Possible from the Brazil Economy Hee-Hee-Hee (Trademarked) all agreed to forsake conservative 'tournament-style' football in favour of fast, attacking and exciting football - at least during the first week of the tournament (obviously Nigeria, Iran, Russia and South Korea all forgot their obligations). This resulted in coaches not doing any defensive drills in training (see all the goals scored from corners), the whole Spanish defence being left in Spain with Manuel Almunia disguised as Iker Casillas and Pepe being banned from continuing his anger management classes (no, don't cry Ronaldo!).
 |
| "No guys, I'm sure we play Holland next week!" |
Obviously this did not happen (or did it?) but this World Cup has certainly got off to an insane start and is already much more entertaining than the South African edition (WE HAD A BETTER OPENING CEREMONY THOUGH!!!). 49 goals, 6 penalties and 3 red cards in 16 matches tells the tale and (not-so) surprisingly superstars such as Messi, Ronaldo, Rooney, Diego Costa and Hazard have only contributed one goal and Luis Suarez 0 red cards in all of this (he can get a red card from the bench, can't he?). We should have seen this coming when Pitbull decided to show us his man-el toe in those VERY tight white pants.
 |
| Might be the style for pants in all those cities Pitbull claims to go to. |
Well, on behalf of the footballing world, I'd like to thank all the teams for such stellar performances so far. It may not last as things get tighter and tenser (hopefully excluding Pitbull's pants) but we can still bask in the glory of a great first round of matches. I shall be selecting a team of the tournament based on performances after each round which will hopefully culminate in a team of the tournament. Why? Because I have nothing better to do. So, in honour of the attacking nature of the first round, I shall follow suit with a 4-4-2 formation (with no central defensive midfielder - apologies football hipsters) and indicate which players almost made the cut. Tweet me @ThalaMsutu77 so we can debate for hours about how right we both are:
Goalkeeper - Rais M'Bolhi (Algeria)
Surprised? Well, don't be. Because this man single-handedly kept Algeria in the match against The Dark Horses (but, not really dark horses, as almost everybody is predicting them to do well in the tournament, so they're just... horses) Belgium. Even though he conceded 2 goals (both which were almost unstoppable), 6 saves, 2 punches and 3 cross claims against the likes of Hazard, De Bruyne, Witsel and Fellaini make for a great performance. Playing at CSKA Sofia, performances like this could earn him a move into one of the bigger European leagues.
Bubbling under - Manuel Neuer (Germany) a clean sheet, 4 saves, including quite the blinder against a Cristiano Ronaldo freekick.
Right Back - Serge Aurier (Cote d'Ivoire)
 |
| Sagna's hair traded for Aurier's goatee? |
No pressure, mate. Not only are you starting in your first world cup game, but the whole population of Goonerdom is watching to find out who the hell are you. You certainly delivered quite the performance with 2 assists when it matters most to win against Japan from a goal behind. Add 3 tackles and shutting down Inter Milan's Yuto Nagatomo defensively as well, and Aurier gets his and his country's world cup off to the best start.
Bubbling under - Matteo Darmian (Italy) giving Leighton Baines nightmares, Darmian charged down that right flank the whole night, exposing Wayne Rooney lack of interest defensively. Even though he was partly at fault for the goal, he kept Baines and Rooney quiet on attack for most of the game.
Left Back - Daley Blind (Netherlands)
The other half of the goal of the week by Judas van Dolphin, Blind ensured that he will be linked to Manchester United 'til Kingdom come. Spain had many warning long ball attempts by Blind before the first goal by RvP, but decided to give Blind all the time in the world to deliver the best of crosses. And then it was Blind again that found Arjen Robben for the Dutch's 2nd goal to complete 2 assists (2 of 4 key passes made). Exposing the space behind Cesar Azpilicueta when he went on attack, Blind also kept Azpili quiet with some good defence as well, including 3 tackles, 2 interceptions and a clearance.
Bubbling under - Benedikt Howedes (Germany) He was supposed to have a difficult time as a centre back at left back, but he kept Nani very quiet the whole game and dealt with Ronaldo when he wandered into his wing. He also contributed positively in attack, getting involved and helping push the Portuguese right back, uhm, back.
Centre Backs - Ron Vlaar (Spain) & Mats Hummels (Germany)
Best way to sum up Vlaar's performance: Chelsea will have to pay Vlaar part of the transfer fee, in order for him to free Diego Costa from his pocket. Along with Maartins and De Vrij, he made one of the strikers of the season (probably still a bit rusty and recovering from an injury) look very ordinary. He also made 5 clearances in a game that made you wonder how did he let Aston Villa's defence get so bad at the end of the season.
Hummels was dominant in defence, keeping quiet and then killing and disposing of his body injuring Hugo Almeida. He also made 3 clearances and blocked a shot. He also scored Germany's 2nd goal from a towering header, proved that he can work with Per Mertesacker, but got injured during the game. Germany will be praying that the Borussia Dortmund man recovers quickly.
Bubbling under - Rafa Marquez (Mexico) he kept his former teammate Samuel Eto'o out of the game and was a big part of Mexico's defence with 3 interceptions, 5 clearances and 2 blocked shots.
"Defensive" Central Midfielder - Don Andrea Pirlo (Italy)
Yeah, yeah, 95% pass accuracy, 107 passes, but those are not the most important statistics for Pirlo's performance. 117 touches of the football (most touches for Italy) helps show how Pirlo made himself the conductor of the game. From an allegro (fast) tempo in the first 60 minutes as Italy searched for their goals, to slowing it down to an andante (walking - thanks Wiki) pace as English players tired, Pirlo made the game dance to his rhythm. With his senior midfield colleagues such as Steven Gerrard wilting in the heat and Xavi facing the axe for Spain, Pirlo utilized his experience and made himself the heartbeat of the Italian team.
Bubbling under - Phillip Lahm (Germany) Joao Moutinho and co were never in the game, as Lahm put in a shift at both ends of the park - 2 interceptions, 4 clearances, a shot blocked coupled with 9 accurate long balls show why Lahm is a once-in-a-generation player for the Germans - even out of position.
Right Wing - Arjen Robben (Netherlands)
Even though Robben was playing as a second striker, there had to be place made for him in this team. Ramos and Pique could never live with his pace as Robben raced past the pair, and danced past Ramos for his first goal and past Casillas for a well-taken 2nd goal (his hips don't lie, eh Gerard?). Robben's trickery and pace was a big part of Louis van Gaal's plan to expose the Spanish backline and get revenge for 2010.
Bubbling under - Gervinho (Cote d'Ivoire) topping off a great season for Roma, he gets a goal and paired up with Aurier to be a massive threat on the right. A shout out to Antonio Candreva of Italy for a great game as well.
Central Attacking Midfielder - Oscar (Brazil)
Neymar is definitely the face and the headline-maker of the Brazilian team, but all plaudits must go to Oscar after a tremendous performance at both ends of the field. In attack he created the assist for Neymar's 1st goal and toe-poked his way onto the scorer's sheet with a well-taken strike after an impressive dribble through the Croatian midfiled (he made a game high of 7 dribbles). But it was his amazing defensive work that should be lauded. It was his determination and tackling that initially won the ball from the Croatians in order to put Neymar away for the first goal. He made 4 tackles in total, the most in the Brazilian midfield. Arguably Oscar's best performance for Brazil - on the biggest of stages.
Bubbling under - Raheem Sterling (England) a brave selection by Roy Hodgson certainly paid off, as Sterling was England's biggest attacking threat. The through ball to Rooney for Sturridge's goal was fantastic, he also added 4 dribbles (a game high) to a very impressive display for the 19 year-oldjust before Father's Day. What was a negative was that he was unsuccessful with 7 crosses on Saturday, something that must improve.
Left Wing - Neymar (Brazil)
Oscar and himself were not shackled to playing in one position and could roam around the field to find any space possible - this was problematic for Croatia as they just do not know where Neymar will pop up! The face of 2014 lived up to his billing by scoring 2 goals (assisted by Brazil's newest citizen, Yuichi Nishimura), 2 key passes and 6 dribbles (worryingly, Brazil striker, Fred, had 0 SHOTS v Croatia). Not a convincing display by Neymar and the Selecao, but it's results that count in world cups.
Bubbling under - Jermaine Jones (USA) more for an impressive defensive display than an attacking one. Once the USA got a very early goal through his assist, Klinsman brought in a red-white-and-blue bus into Natal. Jones was a big contributor in this, keeping Atsu and Opare honest with 4 tackles and being almost everywhere on the field.
Strikers - Thomas Muller (Germany) & Robin van Persie (Netherlands)
Muller just can't stop scoring in world cups, eh (8 goals in 7 world cup games)? He bags a hat-trick in what was supposed to be Germany's toughest match in the group stages. He was also a huge part in the game's most controversial moment as he was headbutted by Pepe, which earned Pepe a straight red card. Muller is a player that isn't particularly great at any one thing, but he is very good at everything which makes him a brilliant footballer. He tracked back well to help Howedes defend Nani and Joao Parreira, even though he was Germany's front man.
Against every nerve in my body, I couldn't help but scream VAN PERSIE! when he completed one of the most audacious headers you will ever see. The Traitor also smelled blood and ambushed Casillas for his 2nd goal. The plan, in hindsight, was clear to see, as RvP was supposed to make runs behind Spain's defence as the likes of Blind put in diagonal balls behind them (which did not work out at the beginning as RvP was offsides 4 times). But when the time came, he was lethal and he entered meme-ville forever (now let me go cleanse myself after complimenting that little _______________).
Bubbling under - Joel Campbell (Costa Rica) speaking of Arsenal strikers, the man that has never actually played for Arsenal got tongues wagging. Campbell was key to the shock defeat of Uruguay with his pace and dribbling (game high of 4 dribbles) terrorizing a very-dodgy defence. A well-taken goal, a lovely assist and goading Maxi Perreira to a late red card tell the tale of his performance. Alexis Sanchez for Chile was also very impressive
Coach - Louis van Gaal
I think destroying the reigning world, European champions and world number 1s, making Pique wish he was at home laying on Shakira's lap (he does that if he wins as well), and making Del Bosque look like a PE teacher tactically certainly warrants you being coach of the week. He'd be a great acquisition for a premier league club, wouldn't he?
Bubbling under - Matteo Darmian (Italy) giving Leighton Baines nightmares, Darmian charged down that right flank the whole night, exposing Wayne Rooney lack of interest defensively. Even though he was partly at fault for the goal, he kept Baines and Rooney quiet on attack for most of the game.
Left Back - Daley Blind (Netherlands)
The other half of the goal of the week by Judas van Dolphin, Blind ensured that he will be linked to Manchester United 'til Kingdom come. Spain had many warning long ball attempts by Blind before the first goal by RvP, but decided to give Blind all the time in the world to deliver the best of crosses. And then it was Blind again that found Arjen Robben for the Dutch's 2nd goal to complete 2 assists (2 of 4 key passes made). Exposing the space behind Cesar Azpilicueta when he went on attack, Blind also kept Azpili quiet with some good defence as well, including 3 tackles, 2 interceptions and a clearance.
Bubbling under - Benedikt Howedes (Germany) He was supposed to have a difficult time as a centre back at left back, but he kept Nani very quiet the whole game and dealt with Ronaldo when he wandered into his wing. He also contributed positively in attack, getting involved and helping push the Portuguese right back, uhm, back.
Centre Backs - Ron Vlaar (Spain) & Mats Hummels (Germany)
 |
| "Fun's over, back into my pocket now." |
 |
| Hummels' favourite dance move, as well. |
Bubbling under - Rafa Marquez (Mexico) he kept his former teammate Samuel Eto'o out of the game and was a big part of Mexico's defence with 3 interceptions, 5 clearances and 2 blocked shots.
"Defensive" Central Midfielder - Don Andrea Pirlo (Italy)
 |
| Pirlo in action v England. |
Bubbling under - Phillip Lahm (Germany) Joao Moutinho and co were never in the game, as Lahm put in a shift at both ends of the park - 2 interceptions, 4 clearances, a shot blocked coupled with 9 accurate long balls show why Lahm is a once-in-a-generation player for the Germans - even out of position.
Right Wing - Arjen Robben (Netherlands)
 |
| Robben the Dutch redeemer. |
Bubbling under - Gervinho (Cote d'Ivoire) topping off a great season for Roma, he gets a goal and paired up with Aurier to be a massive threat on the right. A shout out to Antonio Candreva of Italy for a great game as well.
Central Attacking Midfielder - Oscar (Brazil)
 |
| "Look what they taught me in primary school today, ma!" |
Bubbling under - Raheem Sterling (England) a brave selection by Roy Hodgson certainly paid off, as Sterling was England's biggest attacking threat. The through ball to Rooney for Sturridge's goal was fantastic, he also added 4 dribbles (a game high) to a very impressive display for the 19 year-old
Left Wing - Neymar (Brazil)
 |
| A better face for the world cup than Teko Modise was |
Bubbling under - Jermaine Jones (USA) more for an impressive defensive display than an attacking one. Once the USA got a very early goal through his assist, Klinsman brought in a red-white-and-blue bus into Natal. Jones was a big contributor in this, keeping Atsu and Opare honest with 4 tackles and being almost everywhere on the field.
Strikers - Thomas Muller (Germany) & Robin van Persie (Netherlands)
 |
| He probably laughed at Pepe's misfortune after that - isn't there a German word for that? |
Muller just can't stop scoring in world cups, eh (8 goals in 7 world cup games)? He bags a hat-trick in what was supposed to be Germany's toughest match in the group stages. He was also a huge part in the game's most controversial moment as he was headbutted by Pepe, which earned Pepe a straight red card. Muller is a player that isn't particularly great at any one thing, but he is very good at everything which makes him a brilliant footballer. He tracked back well to help Howedes defend Nani and Joao Parreira, even though he was Germany's front man.
 |
| A whole new world (order) |
Against every nerve in my body, I couldn't help but scream VAN PERSIE! when he completed one of the most audacious headers you will ever see. The Traitor also smelled blood and ambushed Casillas for his 2nd goal. The plan, in hindsight, was clear to see, as RvP was supposed to make runs behind Spain's defence as the likes of Blind put in diagonal balls behind them (which did not work out at the beginning as RvP was offsides 4 times). But when the time came, he was lethal and he entered meme-ville forever (now let me go cleanse myself after complimenting that little _______________).
Bubbling under - Joel Campbell (Costa Rica) speaking of Arsenal strikers, the man that has never actually played for Arsenal got tongues wagging. Campbell was key to the shock defeat of Uruguay with his pace and dribbling (game high of 4 dribbles) terrorizing a very-dodgy defence. A well-taken goal, a lovely assist and goading Maxi Perreira to a late red card tell the tale of his performance. Alexis Sanchez for Chile was also very impressive
Coach - Louis van Gaal
I think destroying the reigning world, European champions and world number 1s, making Pique wish he was at home laying on Shakira's lap (he does that if he wins as well), and making Del Bosque look like a PE teacher tactically certainly warrants you being coach of the week. He'd be a great acquisition for a premier league club, wouldn't he?
 |
| Oh... Oh yes of course *gets a little sick* |
(Stats from Whoscored.com)
No comments:
Post a Comment