2014 World Cup XI after Round 2

What a BORING 2nd Round of the group stages of the 2014 World Cup! 45 goals as opposed to 49 goals in Round 1, 9 of the games with 3 or more goals in this round compared to 14, YAWN!!! What are these low-scoring matches about (6 out of 16 games had 1 or less goals in them)?

Obviously there's a ton of sarcasm in the previous paragraph, as this world cup is on its way to having the highest average of goals scored since 1958 (where defence was completely optional). As seen by the nature of results in this round of matches, there was a lot more riding on the results of this round, as teams were desperate to either ensure passage to the Last 16 (congratulations to Chile, Netherlands, Colombia, Costa Rica, France, Argentina and Belgium) or did not want their stay in Brazil to be ended abruptly.

Iker Casillas realises that his luggage will be overweight at the airport

Not to say that these tight matches were not entertaining, you will not find many better matches than Brazil and Mexico's 0-0 draw or Nigeria's 1-0 win against Bosnia and Heinz-ketchup. There were a lot of thrillers (12 out of 16 of the scorelines were separated by a goal or less) with last-minute wins for Argentina and Belgium and a last-minute draw for Portugal. But there was also a game of the tournament contender from Germany and Ghana's 2-2 draw and France's 5-2 demolition over Switzerland to salivate over. This has installed Brazil 2014 as the most entertaining and the most dramatic world cup since the turn of the century with football of the highest quality (what is this 'Champions League' thing?).

As big teams such as Spain, England and Bosnia & Heinz-ketchup book their flights home (Cameroon, Australia and Honduras are also knocked out), I have chosen a team of the world cup after these 2nd round of matches. Even though there were some momentous defensive displays from Mexico, Chile, Costa Rica, Iran and Nigeria against supposedly superior attacks, I'll go with a 4-2-2-2 formation that is full of goals and solid defence. It should be noted that this team is a team based on performance in the world cup overall, and not just in the current game week. Tweet me @ThalaMsutu77 so I can hear your thoughts on this team:

Goalkeeper - Guillermo Ochoa (Mexico)

Ochoa's agent fielding calls from clubs all over the world now.

He may not have 6 fingers, but Ochoa made 6 fantastic saves (3rd most in the round after Asmir Begovic's 8) to deny Brazil their 2nd win in the World Cup and keep Neymar and friends goalless. Along with the goalie below, he is one of keepers that has kept 2 clean sheets at this stage, as him and the Mexican rearguard show great organisation and discipline. Ochoa has had a lot of goalie practice during the season, as his former side, Ajaccio conceded 72 goals in Ligue 1 last season! Yes, former side, I said. Ochoa is probably the world's most popular free agent right now.

Bubbling under - Vincent Enyeama (Nigeria) goalie number 2 who has 2 clean sheets to his name, Enyeama made 7 saves in his match against Bosnia, including a brilliant one at the death against Edin Dzeko to keep Nigeria's world cup hopes alive.

Right Back - Serge Aurier (Cote d'Ivoire)

One of 4 players to keep their place in my XI (Vlaar, Robben and Gervinho), Aurier had another impressive performance both offensively and defensively v Colombia which was even more impressive than what he did against Japan. Defensively, Aurier won all 3 of his aerial duels (game high), made 3 tackles, 2 intercepts (game high) and blocked 1 shot which were all team highs as he dealt relatively well with Ibaro and then the impressive Quintero in the 2nd half. Aurier was his country's most influential attacker v Colombia even though he did not add to his 2 assists v Japan. He got 2 shots away, 1 key pass, a game-high of 5 dribbles down the right, the 3rd most touches in the team and attempted a staggering 11 crosses. Most of the crosses were in good areas, but the likes of Wilfried Bony and Didier Drogba must ask themselves how they only got to 1 cross. Add to this that he has covered over 19km in 180 minutes of world cup action, over 100 meters per minute! Almost like he's, little bit, trying to impress somebody...

Bubbling under - Darijo Srna (Croatia) an impressive performance on the right flank against a vulnerable Cameroon side to add to his tidy performance in the opener against Brazil. He made a game-high 3 tackles, got 3 clearances away, but contributed in attack with 3 shots (2nd most shots in the game) and 4 out of 7 successful long balls as he made Benoit Assou-Ekotto's life hell (then again, who doesn't make his life hell?)

Left Back - Alvaro Pereira (Uruguay)

How he was allowed to play out of this is anybody's guess. FIFA dropping the ball on concussions?

An industrious performance from Pereira, he never gave England's attackers (especially Raheem Sterling) any moment of rest with his game-high of 7 tackles along with 4 intercepts, 3 effective clearances and 1 shot blocked and he was a major reason (along with Diego Godin) why England could only score a solitary goal against a team Costa Rica scored 3 against - who knows why Alvaro did not start against Costa Rica? But one must ask questions why he was allowed to continue after taking a hit to the head that knocked him out and he was allowed to persuade doctors that he was alright to continue when he clearly was not. FIFA must look into how they deal with concussions in the future before anything untoward occurs.

Bubbling under - Eugenio Mena (Chile) part of a disciplined Chilean performance and frustrated Spain's Pedro and Azpilicueta (who got no shots, key passes, accurate crosses or through balls away). Mena contributed with a team-high 3 tackles and completed 3 interceptions as well to keep his left side tidy and even did a bit of attacking with a key pass and a shot.

Centre Backs - Ron Vlaar (Netherlands) & Rafael Marquez (Mexico)

Bossing the defence.

Probably the best defender in the tournament playing in a team full of attackers, Ron Vlaar has been the gatekeeper at the back of a dodgy Dutch defence and has performed this role very well. He made a game-high of 10 clearances and blocked a shot in order to stop the Aussies from springing an unlikely surprise on the Dutch. Bagging another striker in his world cup collection (he got Diego Costa in the first game), Tim Cahill, he unfortunately let Timmy out of his pocket for a little while to score probably the goal of the tournament with a running volley!

Rafa Marquez is definitely rolling back the years, as he is in the centre of probably the best defensive unit of the world cup. He did it all: 4 tackles, 3 effective clearances, 4 interceptions, 1 shot blocked, won an offside decision, and kidnapped the Brazilian striker Fred and dumped him in the middle of the Amazon while nobody was watching.

Bubbling under - Mats Hummels (Germany) is falling off the pace, especially because of the performances of Jalal Hosseini (Iran) Francisco Rodriguez (Mexico). Rodriguez was the defender of the match against Brazil, making 5 tackles and 6 effective clearances and stopping a few of Neymar's runs. Hosseini's Iran ALMOST kept Messi's Argentina goalless with 6 effective clearances, 4 tackles and a shot blocked, but Messi had to make it all about him. So selfish.

Central Midfielders - Blaise Matuidi (France) & Jermaine Jones (USA)

There should be a 'Blaise Matuidi' action figure, such is the amount of work he does for France. An impressive 4 interceptions (game high), 2 tackles, 1 shot blocked and 2 effective clearances made in the middle of the park is combined with 2 accurate long balls and 2 key passes as he had a passing accuracy of 89%. When he decided to do it all by himself, he completed a game high of 4 dribbles, got 3 shots away and scored a lovely goal. Matuidi just does not know when to stop!

Jermaine Jones on the ball

Not since Dancing Rasta on the Supa Strikas team has a midfielder with dreadlocks made such an impact on world football. Jermaine Jones dominated the midfield with his partner-in-crime (and fellow dreadlocked midfielder) Kyle Beckerman by not giving the Portuguese midfield any space or time to influence the game. He coupled this with an impressive attacking performance, as he made a game high of 4 dribbles (more than a certain Cristiano Ronaldo), made 5 out of 7 accurate long balls and scored a fantastic goal from outside of the box. If Jones and the USA can get it done against Germany, they have the sort of tricky team that nobody would want to face in the knockout stages.

Bubbling under - Aforementioned Kyle Beckerman (USA) is having a rad tournament for Team USA, man! Primarily a defensive player as shown with 4 interceptions and 2 effective clearances, he also managed 5 out of 5 accurate long balls in order to expose Portugal's high line with USA's attackers. Hector Herrera (Mexico) has been playing better than his doppelganger Angel Di Maria. A team high of 3 key passes and 5 accurate long balls to accumulate 91% pass accuracy show why he is the attacking key for El Tri.

Attacking Midfielders - Gervinho (Cote d'Ivoire) & Arjen Robben (Netherlands)

"I didn't know Gervinho could do that!" - Every Arsenal fan.

Gervinho is dribbling-stuttering-stop-stuttering his way into being one of the attackers of the tournament with a lovely solo goal (now 2 goals in the tournament), dribbling past 3 Colombians to give the Ivorians a chance of keeping the match alive. That was one of 4 dribbles Gervinho completed in the game as he seems to be doing the job that Didier Drogba has struggled to do over the years in big tournaments - score goals for Cote d'Ivoire.

Football's own Kobe Bryant - passing is not really an option.

Arjen Robben is running away with the golden ball (player of the tournament), literally. On top of being tied top goalscorer of the tournament with 3 goals (scored 1 v Australia), he has been the Netherlands' greatest attacking threat. This is illustrated by a game high of 2 key passes, 2 dribbles and 4 shots on goal (with 3 on target). Robben is thriving in his role in the centre behind Robin van Persie where he is allowed to run at (and usually past) the backline.

Bubbling under - Ivica Olic (Croatia) must be the tournament's best left-sided player through his contributions in both attack and defence. Not only did he score a goal, he made a game high of 3 tackles, 1 intercept and 1 effective clearance against Cameroon to add to his 5 tackles and 2 effective clearances in the first round against Brazil. Speaking of, Prince Neymar  (Brazil) might have not got one past Ochoa, but still made the most shots of the game (3), 4 key passes (game high) and 3 dribbles to keep himself in the mix. Watch out for the impressive James Rodriguez (Colombia) who has 2 goals himself in this tournament (same as Neymar) and completes 3 dribbles a game.

Strikers - Alexis Sanchez (Chile) & Karim Benzema (France)

"Now, just check on my pets and my plants when you get back to Barcelona, please?"

Alexis Sanchez didn't even score a goal v Spain (he did score 1 v Australia in the first week), but he managed to make the team of the week with a fantastic performance around the park with his harrying, holding up and nuisance factor that drove Spain crazy. He managed to complete a key pass (a through ball) and 2 out of 3 accurate long balls along with 2 dribbles completed to keep Sergio Ramos and Javi Martinez busy (he has been fouled an average of 5.7 times a game - 2nd highest in the tournament), but it was his impressive pressing and positioning in defence which made it difficult for Spain to play their natural game from the back. For a striker to get 3 tackles and 2 intercepts shows how committed he was defensively in this instance, and is a great performance from both ends of the field that delivered a huge victory for Chile - don't say that I do not award defensive performances.

Whoopsie!

Karim Benzema could easily have had 2 hat-tricks in this world cup were it not for a goal being awarded as an own-goal against Honduras, a saved penalty and a beautiful goal moments after the final whistle against Switzerland, but he will take the 3 goals and 2 assists (2nd most in the tournament) he has so far. He has taken the most shots per game (7.5 shots), 2nd most key passes per game (4 key passes) but most key passes in total with 8 as even the stats show how insane Benzema's start to the tournament has been. He must maintain these figures for France's sake.

Bubbling under - Luis Suarez (Uruguay) It had to be him that knocks England out of the world cup - Suarez has just the personality that would make him rival Dick Dastardly as the most cartoonish villain ever. Somehow, a man that was in a wheelchair 4 weeks ago rises to the occasion to score 2 goals, continue to add to Phil Jagielka's Suarez-themed nightmares and keep Gary Cahill so busy, the scary thing is he is not even close to fully fit (but he can't be world class, eh Roy Hodgson?) The team physio, Walter Ferreira, apparently halted his cancer treatment to get Suarez fit for England and keep Uruguay in the tournament. A story that would not be out of place in the Bible - that surprisingly just adds to the villain nature of Luis Suarez. Special mention to fellow top goal scorers, Robin van Persie (Netherlands) and Thomas Muller (Germany), Joel Campbell (Costa Rica) who put in a Sanchez-esque effort up front and the "delighted kangaroo", Olivier Giroud (France).

Dr. Suarez completing his first step to world domination, Mwahahahaha!

Coach - Jorge Luis Pinto (Costa Rica)
What we learnt in Round 1 is that Pirlo is a supreme player when you let him have all the time in the world to dictate the pace of the game. Clearly Pinto is much smarter than England's manager as he limited Pirlo's influence by limiting him to 20 less passes and 13 less touches. In the 2nd half, it was rare that Pirlo got the ball without Yeltsin Tejeda and Celso Borges on him like a rash, which affected the service that Italy's attackers got, who were ineffective after Mario Balotelli's 2 missed chances in the first half. After getting the well-worked Bryan Ruiz goal, Pinto's side was largely comfortably in steering themselves to the win and their 2nd appearance in the Last 16 after Italy 1990.

2014 World Cup XI after Round 1: http://sportandotherdrugs.blogspot.com/2014/06/2014-world-cup-xi-after-round-1.html

(Stats from WhoScored.com)

2014 World Cup XI after Round 1

Goals, penalties, red cards, goals, goal-line technology, headbutts, goals, shocks, demolitions, goals, stars, disappointments, injured physios, goals - and this is only the first round of the group stages!

Moemish of the week

December 6th. On the sandy, golden beaches of Costa do Sauipe before the world cup draw. Under some palm trees, having sipped one-too-many caipirinhas, the 32 coaches of the competing countries in the Budweiser McDonalds Hyundai 2014 FIFA World Cup/Sepp Blatter Appreciation Month/Extort as Much as Possible from the Brazil Economy Hee-Hee-Hee (Trademarked) all agreed to forsake conservative 'tournament-style' football in favour of fast, attacking and exciting football - at least during the first week of the tournament (obviously Nigeria, Iran, Russia and South Korea all forgot their obligations). This resulted in coaches not doing any defensive drills in training (see all the goals scored from corners), the whole Spanish defence being left in Spain with Manuel Almunia disguised as Iker Casillas and Pepe being banned from continuing his anger management classes (no, don't cry Ronaldo!).

"No guys, I'm sure we play Holland next week!"

Obviously this did not happen (or did it?) but this World Cup has certainly got off to an insane start and is already much more entertaining than the South African edition (WE HAD A BETTER OPENING CEREMONY THOUGH!!!). 49 goals, 6 penalties and 3 red cards in 16 matches tells the tale and (not-so) surprisingly superstars such as Messi, Ronaldo, Rooney, Diego Costa and Hazard have only contributed one goal and Luis Suarez 0 red cards in all of this (he can get a red card from the bench, can't he?). We should have seen this coming when Pitbull decided to show us his man-el toe in those VERY tight white pants.

Might be the style for pants in all those cities Pitbull claims to go to.

Well, on behalf of the footballing world, I'd like to thank all the teams for such stellar performances so far. It may not last as things get tighter and tenser (hopefully excluding Pitbull's pants) but we can still bask in the glory of a great first round of matches. I shall be selecting a team of the tournament based on performances after each round which will hopefully culminate in a team of the tournament. Why? Because I have nothing better to do. So, in honour of the attacking nature of the first round, I shall follow suit with a 4-4-2 formation (with no central defensive midfielder - apologies football hipsters) and indicate which players almost made the cut. Tweet me @ThalaMsutu77 so we can debate for hours about how right we both are:

Goalkeeper - Rais M'Bolhi (Algeria)

Surprised? Well, don't be. Because this man single-handedly kept Algeria in the match against The Dark Horses (but, not really dark horses, as almost everybody is predicting them to do well in the tournament, so they're just... horses) Belgium. Even though he conceded 2 goals (both which were almost unstoppable), 6 saves, 2 punches and 3 cross claims against the likes of Hazard, De Bruyne, Witsel and Fellaini make for a great performance. Playing at CSKA Sofia, performances like this could earn him a move into one of the bigger European leagues.

Bubbling under - Manuel Neuer (Germany) a clean sheet, 4 saves, including quite the blinder against a Cristiano Ronaldo freekick.

Right Back - Serge Aurier (Cote d'Ivoire)

Sagna's hair traded for Aurier's goatee?

No pressure, mate. Not only are you starting in your first world cup game, but the whole population of Goonerdom is watching to find out who the hell are you. You certainly delivered quite the performance with 2 assists when it matters most to win against Japan from a goal behind. Add 3 tackles and shutting down Inter Milan's Yuto Nagatomo defensively as well, and Aurier gets his and his country's world cup off to the best start.

Bubbling under - Matteo Darmian (Italy) giving Leighton Baines nightmares, Darmian charged down that right flank the whole night, exposing Wayne Rooney lack of interest defensively. Even though he was partly at fault for the goal, he kept Baines and Rooney quiet on attack for most of the game.

Left Back - Daley Blind (Netherlands)

The other half of the goal of the week by Judas van Dolphin, Blind ensured that he will be linked to Manchester United 'til Kingdom come. Spain had many warning long ball attempts by Blind before the first goal by RvP, but decided to give Blind all the time in the world to deliver the best of crosses. And then it was Blind again that found Arjen Robben for the Dutch's 2nd goal to complete 2 assists (2 of 4 key passes made). Exposing the space behind Cesar Azpilicueta when he went on attack, Blind also kept Azpili quiet with some good defence as well, including 3 tackles, 2 interceptions and a clearance.

Bubbling under - Benedikt Howedes (Germany) He was supposed to have a difficult time as a centre back at left back, but he kept Nani very quiet the whole game and dealt with Ronaldo when he wandered into his wing. He also contributed positively in attack, getting involved and helping push the Portuguese right back, uhm, back.

Centre Backs - Ron Vlaar (Spain) & Mats Hummels (Germany)

"Fun's over, back into my pocket now."

Best way to sum up Vlaar's performance: Chelsea will have to pay Vlaar part of the transfer fee, in order for him to free Diego Costa from his pocket. Along with Maartins and De Vrij, he made one of the strikers of the season (probably still a bit rusty and recovering from an injury) look very ordinary. He also made 5 clearances in a game that made you wonder how did he let Aston Villa's defence get so bad at the end of the season.

Hummels' favourite dance move, as well.

Hummels was dominant in defence, keeping quiet and then killing and disposing of his body injuring Hugo Almeida. He also made 3 clearances and blocked a shot. He also scored Germany's 2nd goal from a towering header, proved that he can work with Per Mertesacker, but got injured during the game. Germany will be praying that the Borussia Dortmund man recovers quickly.

Bubbling under - Rafa Marquez (Mexico) he kept his former teammate Samuel Eto'o out of the game and was a big part of Mexico's defence with 3 interceptions, 5 clearances and 2 blocked shots.

"Defensive" Central Midfielder - Don Andrea Pirlo (Italy)

Pirlo in action v England.

Yeah, yeah, 95% pass accuracy, 107 passes, but those are not the most important statistics for Pirlo's performance. 117 touches of the football (most touches for Italy) helps show how Pirlo made himself the conductor of the game. From an allegro (fast) tempo in the first 60 minutes as Italy searched for their goals, to slowing it down to an andante (walking - thanks Wiki) pace as English players tired, Pirlo made the game dance to his rhythm. With his senior midfield colleagues such as Steven Gerrard wilting in the heat and Xavi facing the axe for Spain, Pirlo utilized his experience and made himself the heartbeat of the Italian team.

Bubbling under - Phillip Lahm (Germany) Joao Moutinho and co were never in the game, as Lahm put in a shift at both ends of the park - 2 interceptions, 4 clearances, a shot blocked coupled with 9 accurate long balls show why Lahm is a once-in-a-generation player for the Germans - even out of position.

Right Wing - Arjen Robben (Netherlands)

Robben the Dutch redeemer.

Even though Robben was playing as a second striker, there had to be place made for him in this team. Ramos and Pique could never live with his pace as Robben raced past the pair, and danced past Ramos for his first goal and past Casillas for a well-taken 2nd goal (his hips don't lie, eh Gerard?). Robben's trickery and pace was a big part of Louis van Gaal's plan to expose the Spanish backline and get revenge for 2010.

Bubbling under - Gervinho (Cote d'Ivoire) topping off a great season for Roma, he gets a goal and paired up with Aurier to be a massive threat on the right. A shout out to Antonio Candreva of Italy for a great game as well.

Central Attacking Midfielder - Oscar (Brazil)

"Look what they taught me in primary school today, ma!"

Neymar is definitely the face and the headline-maker of the Brazilian team, but all plaudits must go to Oscar after a tremendous performance at both ends of the field. In attack he created the assist for Neymar's 1st goal and toe-poked his way onto the scorer's sheet with a well-taken strike after an impressive dribble through the Croatian midfiled (he made a game high of 7 dribbles). But it was his amazing defensive work that should be lauded. It was his determination and tackling that initially won the ball from the Croatians in order to put Neymar away for the first goal. He made 4 tackles in total, the most in the Brazilian midfield. Arguably Oscar's best performance for Brazil - on the biggest of stages.

Bubbling under - Raheem Sterling (England) a brave selection by Roy Hodgson certainly paid off, as Sterling was England's biggest attacking threat. The through ball to Rooney for Sturridge's goal was fantastic, he also added 4 dribbles (a game high) to a very impressive display for the 19 year-old just before Father's Day. What was a negative was that he was unsuccessful with 7 crosses on Saturday, something that must improve.

Left Wing - Neymar (Brazil)

A better face for the world cup than Teko Modise was

Oscar and himself were not shackled to playing in one position and could roam around the field to find any space possible - this was problematic for Croatia as they just do not know where Neymar will pop up! The face of 2014 lived up to his billing by scoring 2 goals (assisted by Brazil's newest citizen, Yuichi Nishimura), 2 key passes and 6 dribbles (worryingly, Brazil striker, Fred, had 0 SHOTS v Croatia). Not a convincing display by Neymar and the Selecao, but it's results that count in world cups.

Bubbling under - Jermaine Jones (USA) more for an impressive defensive display than an attacking one. Once the USA got a very early goal through his assist, Klinsman brought in a red-white-and-blue bus into Natal. Jones was a big contributor in this, keeping Atsu and Opare honest with 4 tackles and being almost everywhere on the field.

Strikers - Thomas Muller (Germany) & Robin van Persie (Netherlands)

He probably laughed at Pepe's misfortune after that - isn't there a German word for that?

Muller just can't stop scoring in world cups, eh (8 goals in 7 world cup games)? He bags a hat-trick in what was supposed to be Germany's toughest match in the group stages. He was also a huge part in the game's most controversial moment as he was headbutted by Pepe, which earned Pepe a straight red card. Muller is a player that isn't particularly great at any one thing, but he is very good at everything which makes him a brilliant footballer. He tracked back well to help Howedes defend Nani and Joao Parreira, even though he was Germany's front man.

A whole new world (order)

Against every nerve in my body, I couldn't help but scream VAN PERSIE! when he completed one of the most audacious headers you will ever see. The Traitor also smelled blood and ambushed Casillas for his 2nd goal. The plan, in hindsight, was clear to see, as RvP was supposed to make runs behind Spain's defence as the likes of Blind put in diagonal balls behind them (which did not work out at the beginning as RvP was offsides 4 times). But when the time came, he was lethal and he entered meme-ville forever (now let me go cleanse myself after complimenting that little _______________).

Bubbling under - Joel Campbell (Costa Rica) speaking of Arsenal strikers, the man that has never actually played for Arsenal got tongues wagging. Campbell was key to the shock defeat of Uruguay with his pace and dribbling (game high of 4 dribbles) terrorizing a very-dodgy defence. A well-taken goal, a lovely assist and goading Maxi Perreira to a late red card tell the tale of his performance. Alexis Sanchez for Chile was also very impressive

Coach - Louis van Gaal

I think destroying the reigning world, European champions and world number 1s, making Pique wish he was at home laying on Shakira's lap (he does that if he wins as well), and making Del Bosque look like a PE teacher tactically certainly warrants you being coach of the week. He'd be a great acquisition for a premier league club, wouldn't he?

Oh... Oh yes of course *gets a little sick*

(Stats from Whoscored.com)